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Vince Vitrano: Not For Broadcast



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My buddy Ty doesn't have kids, so he tells stories about mine. He mentioned he got a lot of mileage about one from Thanksgiving, so here it is in case you wish to retell it, or simply enjoy for your own consumption.

Sunday after Thanksgiving... nap time for the twins and 3 year old Ella. Nicole and I were watching the Packer game, and enjoying what often proves to be less than a half hour of time to ourselves as naps overlap.

Shunning the nachos and various other snacks that I was enjoying, Nicole took the opportunity to steal a piece of pumpkin pie. She's an adult. Why can't she have pie in the afternoon? Plus, desert time is a bit crazy around the dinner table anyway, so she took an advance on her portion of the dwindling left-over pie.

You really can only do this during the black-out period of the overlapping naps. Otherwise, Ella wants in. What 3-year-old wouldn't also want to enjoy pie at 2:00 in the afternoon? It's not that we deny the child pie; it's just that we prefer she eat it after dinner... at the table... with a fork... having already eaten a decent meal.

Well anyway, Nicole made a critical error as Ella was about to come free from nap time. She left critical evidence in plain sight.

On the coffee table was a paper plate, fork, and some white, fluffy residue.

Almost immediately upon rejoining us in the family room, Ella noticed the plate, utensil, and residuals. The following is a verbatim transcript as best I recall:

ELLA: Mom, what did you have?

MOM: Oh... I just... mom needed a... I just had a sandwich. Mom had a little sandwich.

Several minutes pass. Ella goes about her business. Line of questioning resumes after some consideration on her part.

ELLA: Well, Mom, are you sure you had a sandwich? 'Cause it looks like you had some pie.

DAD: A ha! Busted. (laughter)

MOM: You're right Ella. I did have some pie. I should have just told you that.

DAD: Yeah mom. We really should be truthful. (we've been working on this of late)

ELLA: Yeah... we have to be truthful.

MOM: You're right Ella. I should have been truthful and told you I had pie. Ella, what made you think I had pie?

ELLA: Well, there was some cream on the plate.

So folks... the moral of the story is don't sneak pie during nap time. Or is it, make sure to cleanse the scene of the crime. Or is it, just don't lie to your kids? It doesn't work anyway.




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