skip to nav skip to content


Vince Vitrano: Not For Broadcast



  • Print

The NFL right now is the 800 pound gorilla, and it's acting like it.

You know the joke, "What does an 800 pound gorilla eat? Anything it wants."

The National Football League is as hot as hot can be right now. It's a marketing juggernaut. It's dominant in the world of sports on television, in attendance, on the web, in the stores... we're buying it all.

It's seems commissioner Roger Godell is spending all that political capitol right now, most notably in his showdown with the cable companies over the NFL Network. There are other areas too, in which he's marking his territory, and some are just petty.

Here's my favorite of late. The league is now cracking down on local theaters that let people in for free to watch the Packer games on the big screen. Here's an excerpt from the article in Sunday's Milwaukee Journal Sentinel:

"Brian McCarthy, an NFL spokesman, said in an e-mail that the league recently became aware that the businesses were showing Packers games. "We let them know they are violating copyright law and longstanding NFL policies that prohibit mass out-of-town viewing of NFL games," he said.

C'mon guy. I hope some of those theaters challenge the league on that. It's their business, and they're going to show on T.V. whatever they want to show on T.V.

Under this commissioner, we may all have to get used to more restrictive NFL rules. Here are a few predictions, some clearly in jest, of things to come:

*All NFL games will be pay per view or available only on premium cable or satellite channels. (This may actually happen)

*Local media will no longer be able to show local hi-lights of games. (This may actually happen)

*You will be prohibited from hosting game day parties in your own home with more than 4 people.

*If your family is larger than 4 people, you have to pay for the game twice if everyone wishes to watch it in your home.

*The colors Green and Gold will be copyrighted by the league, so you need to pay the NFL if you wish to use those colors in any way.

*You will be prohibited from using the team name "Green Bay Packers" even in your daily conversation. You can get around this by referring to the Packers as, for example, "That football club from Green Bay."

*You will be prohibited from mentioning any players by name in daily conversation. You can get around that by referring to Brett Favre as, for example, "...that guy who throws the ball for the Packers... wait, oh, sorry... that guy who throws the ball for that football club in Green Bay."

*Before you can buy any NFL team clothing, you must pay a one time "clothing licensing fee" where you will then be permitted to buy stuff.

*The NFL team items you do purchase, you will only be permitted to wear on the days your team plays, and even then only in a window extending from 2 hours before kick-off through one hour after kick off.

*For an extra 25 dollars per purchase, you can receive a waiver for the previous rule concerning any article of clothing you wish to wear an entire day.

*You are prohibited from looking at NFL players, should you see them in a public place. If you bump into any current or former player and/or coach at the grocery store, you must look away.

*If you have any memories of any of the afore mentioned things or people before the new rules took effect, you must report to the NFL deprogramming center in the nearest NFL city to have your memory washed clean.

*You may retain the afore mentioned memories and avoid deprogramming by paying a one time "those were the days" fee.




This site uses Facebook comments to make it easier for you to contribute. If you see a comment you would like to flag for spam or abuse, click the "x" in the upper right of it. By posting, you agree to our Terms of Use.

Milwaukee, WI

N at 5 mph
1 (Read)

Submit photos to:
Photo Gallery
Photo Gallery
Photo Gallery
Photo Gallery
Photo Gallery
Photo Gallery
Photo Gallery
Photo Gallery