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Vince Vitrano: Not For Broadcast

THE JOKE I WANTED TO TELL

THE GOVERNATOR... STILL FUNNY

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Believe it or not, I do exercise some refrain on the news set during Live at Daybreak.

I tell a lot of jokes, and more than most "news anchors" probably would. I am careful, as I indicated, not to cross the line and make light of serious or tragic situations. It's why I held something back this morning.

We were doing the story about California Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger visiting the San Francisco Bay area. He was surveying the oil spill caused by a tanker the bashed into the Bay Bridge.

I don't think oil spills are funny. The environmental consequences are serious, and can be devastating. I wanted to state that clearly first. I'm hopeful that situation can get cleaned up as quickly and safely as possible.

This morning, though, I couldn't help laughing inside as we showed video of Arnold the Governator visiting the site. I'm sorry... every time I see that man, I see the Terminator. I see Kindergarten Cop. I see Total Recall guy... Quiad I think was his name in that one.

So what I really wanted to hear was the Governor tell the people of the Bay area that he's found a solution to the problem. He was working to secure a giant straw, and would suck the oil of of the Bay himself.

"I vill get a huuuuge stwaw... und zuk all za oil out of za vater! I can't believe I haf to perzonally come up heeer to zolv zis problem by myzelf... but obviously your tax dollars are going to pay a bunch of girly men who can't zolve za problem by demzelves... zo I hav to do it!

Ven I'm done vis zat... I will lift za section of za Bay Bridge zat vas damaged, and vill perzonally repair za damage myzelv. Dare! Problem zolved!

I am da Governator!"

emails: vvitrano@todaystmj4.com

 

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