My best friend and I have a theory:  Men who go out of their way to publicly profess their love for their wife, or go out of their way to make public displays of affection are probably the biggest cheaters in the room.  Period.

Kind of a jaded view, isn't it?

But as women in our 30's, it's something we've seen time and time again.  Guys who want everyone to believe that they are the best father, best husband,  or best community role model often live secret lives.

Because it's amazing what some men will say... or offer you... when no one else is around.

Now it's not to say that all overly demonstrative guys are cheats.  Not by a long shot.  It's just that you have to really take a closer look at some of these "okey doke" type men who try to play a little too innocent or devoted.  You have to really take them with a grain of salt.  Because so many of them, in my humble opionion, are outright frauds.

This whole Eliot Spitzer controversy is a fantastic example.  While Spitzer really hasn't fully admitted to any wrongdoing yet, things aren't looking real good for the gov. 

For the past day or so, I have listened to and read compelling arguments by psychologists who dissect men like Spitzer.  And many of the shrinks contend that men who work so hard to craft a public image of being beyond moral reproach,  usually do so to soothe the guilt of their own imperfections.  It's an interesting theory.

And it's a theory that author Gail Saltz, for example, examines in her book Anatomy Of A Secret LIfe.   Saltz argues the following:

We think we know those who are close to us, and we want to believe that what we see is what we get. But we can never know for certain, because what really goes on inside another’s head and heart is essentially a secret. How do you know if that secret is something that will hurt you?  Your husband turns to face you in bed. Is he thinking about you or your closest friend?
Anatomy of A Secret Life will take you inside the minds of secret-keepers and show you how secrets start, how they’re kept, and how they exact their devastating emotional and social toll.

Saltz's appears to be the prevailing theory out there these days.  I wouldn't say run out and buy her book.  Like everything else in life,  it's best to judge for yourself. 

For now, it looks like Gov. Spitzer's wife Silda is dutifully standing by her man.  It's what the wives of rich and powerful men do. 

But this fascinating story is a startling reminder to all of us --- rich or not, powerful or not --- of how talented some people are at the art of deception.